Ahh, Christmas Eve. For those of us who despise the winter months (even 65 degree winter months), Christmastime (including New Year's, and hell, I'll throw in Thanksgiving for posterity) is the beginning and the end of the season in less then 2 months. By the time, I toast my last yearly chime, I'm ready to throw the decorations into the trash and the patio furniture onto well...the patio. Don't get me wrong, I do love this season, obviously the birth of our Savior is beyond important. That coupled with gift giving, parties, food, carols, and etc., make it a fun time for all. But I'm definitely a Easter kind of gal, because once Easter comes, summer cannot be far behind. Thinking of Easter brings me to my "point" or "discussion" for tonight. The last time I set foot inside of a church was Easter 2009. It was at that point that my son became confirmed in the United Methodist Church. Alex stood in front of the congregation with 10 others and committed his life to walking in the light. Meanwhile, a few pews away, sat his mother, desperately worried God's light would shine on her either that day or someday in the future. You see, I haven't walked in the light in a long time. For those of you that don't know my faithwalk...it goes like this- I was baptized at Glade United Church of Christ in Walkersville, Maryland in August 1980. It was the church where my father's family attended and my parents were married. We were very faithful attendees while I was growing up. Sunday School, church choir, church dramas, youth group, etc. I was confirmed in 1996 after a two-year confirmation process. Once in college, like most youth, I questioned my faith and considered a conversion to Catholicism. I wanted something "cut and dry", i.e. do this/not this, worship here, say this, etc. I am not trying to belittle the Catholic faith in ANY WAY, but at the time, that is how I felt. Flash forward to August 2003, my husband Mitchell and I were set to be married at Glade in October, and I was called to serve as the Christian Education/Youth Director for Wellspring United Methodist Church in Williamsburg, Virginia. We loved everything about Wellspring. Our daughter, MacKenzie, was baptized there in February 2006. Their former Pastor, Tim Tate, is a man truly led by God. I was literally reborn at Wellspring...and then we moved to Germany.
I stopped attending church in Germany not because of the language barrier as one may think, but because attending in chapel with a host of other Christian denominations is difficult. The one service that remotely felt home was the Anglican chapel service. However, they offered no Sunday School and the services lasted over lunch. When we moved to Georgia in October 2008, I was terribly excited about returning to a "real church." I could not wait to return to the Book of Discipline. We attended for some time at Richmond Hill United Methodist Church in Richmond Hill, Georgia. However, it is my humble opinion that the "one time" of the year you should feel connected and excited about being a Christian is Easter Sunday. As I sat in that pew surrounded by my family, I did not feel connected, I felt lost. I drive past Richmond Hill four times a week. I know they are currently searching for a youth director, but I cannot, not now. Something or someone has changed. I'm not sure when or how it occurred but it did. I'm devastated, but unsure if I am supposed to do something. Part of me thinks this is part of the Great Plan, I'm being tested, but by not going to church I'm failing that test. I feel like a teenager who gets test anxiety. They study but when push comes to shove, it goes out the window and all they are left with is a blank "blue book." I can't go to church, yet I miss it terribly. I miss Bible study, I miss hymns, I miss the lectionary, and I miss mission work. Another part of me (the Calvinist part I can't seem to shake) tells me God knew this was going to happen, and that even though "this" is happening, it is meant to be. Can you honestly say someone "isn't" meant to go to church?
I've wrestled with the idea of attending church as part of my New Year's Resolution. We have Jack now, and I have no clue where or when to baptize him. We toyed with the idea of September at Wellspring (friends, family, godparents are there), but then some have told us that we need to wait until we find a home church. So again, I am not sure where to turn. In fact, I am so unsure about this whole situation, I do not even know how to end this blog. So I will close with two questions:
1. Are you having a Mary or Martha Christmas?
2. Which is more important Christmas or Easter?
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
